


you remind me that it's such a wonderful thing to love

by thatfangirlingfreak



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, M/M, and put in stucky, basically take out scarletvision at the beginning of iw, instead of just staying in wakanda, oh and buck has been on the run w steve, set in london bc of florence + the machine, this is basically a drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15689778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfangirlingfreak/pseuds/thatfangirlingfreak
Summary: Before their universe is torn apart by stones, Bucky Barnes needs to get something off his chest.





	you remind me that it's such a wonderful thing to love

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first stucky piece, which I wrote while trying to figure out a one shot I'm working on. I hope I did these characters justice! (title from 'patricia' by florence + the machine)

Bucky stares out of the window, gazing down upon the dark streets of London.

He remembers a time when he would do this same activity, except he'd have a gun in his hand. And another close by, just in case. If he closes his eyes, he can still feel the weight of it in his palm.

Closing his eyes isn't always a particularly easy task for him.

But, it has improved since the days of him running around on his own in Romania, trying to repair the blank, crumpled pages of his mind—mostly due to Shuri’s work. She worked day and night, sticking pieces of himself back together with ease.

The only reason he can't give the teenage prodigy all the credit is because of Steve. It was like Shuri had built the borders of the puzzle, but Steve Rogers filled in the last few pieces missing in the center.

Bucky admits there are certain things he has trouble remembering, like the girls he'd apparently flirted with and tried to date. Really, the only woman from that time he can remember is Peggy Carter (out of mild jealousy and a lot of admiration). He also forgets a lot of his childhood, spare a few memories of laughing with Steve and his mother's face.

However, Steve brought a lot of the past back in vivid color.

Seeing fireworks together, all those sparks reflected in Steve’s eyes. Wiping red blood from his nose while standing in between his skinny legs. He can remember the movies they saw, even though the ticket stubs were long gone. Sometimes he feels the same intense urge to protect Steve and search for him in crowds, even though he was more than big enough now and able to save himself.

Bucky wonders if he'll ever be able to make that feeling go away.

“Buck?” Steve murmurs sleepily, rustling the sheets as he rubs his eyes. “What's the time?”

Ah, there's that other feeling he desperately wishes would go away.

“Late,” He responds. “Go back to sleep. You need it.” Which was true, since Steve hasn't been resting a whole lot lately. He keeps saying he feels like someone will find him and arrest him if he stops moving.

Bucky understands the fear, but he really just wishes he could learn to take a break.

“Are you goin’ back to sleep?” Steve asks.

He doesn't know if he can. He'd just woken up from a…rough dream. Bucky doesn't want to call it a nightmare because he's certainly had his fair share of those motherfuckers. This one wasn't that level of terrifying.

It was just a little fearful, is all.

“C’mon, Buck,” Steve urges softly from behind him. He had heard his footsteps. “You don't need to keep watch.”

“Not keeping watch, just thinking,” Bucky says curtly.

Steve puts a hand on his shoulder, and Bucky just shrugs it off, knowing he’ll try to drag him away from the window. He really cannot get back into that bed.

“Okay,” The blond sighs. “Do you wanna switch sides? I don't mind that, y’know. Right or left…it's all the same.”

Bucky nearly snorts at the obvious lie. Steve only ever wanted the right side of the bed. It's been the same since they shared beds as kids and slept side by side in the army.

“It's alright, you can keep your precious right side.”

Steve sighs in relief, jokingly. “Thank god, I was worried I'd actually have to give it up. You know I can't make that sacrifice.”

This time, Bucky can't hold back his laughter. “Even for me?” He teases.

Steve places his hand on his shoulder again. “I'd find a way to come to terms with it just for you, Buck. I'd do anything for you.”

The weight of the words make him feel uncomfortable, they're so serious. Bucky tenses without thinking, and only realizes it when Steve frowns and quickly moves his hand away from him.

“Sorry,” He clears his throat, and looks away before pinning Bucky down with those concerned blues of his. “Are you alright, Buck?”

“I'm fine, Steve.” He isn't going to be able to leave this interrogation if he doesn't give a little, so he says, “Look, let's just go to bed.”

“No,” He rejects firmly. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “You didn't want to sleep earlier, then all of a sudden you do—just because I asked if you were okay? That means there's definitely something wrong, Bucky.”

Fuck, he hates when he's right. “Okay, something's wrong. Happy?”

“You're not gonna tell me what it is?”

Bucky absorbs the question for a moment. If he answered with the truth, what would happen? How would Steve react?

It's better not to know, considering his awful dream.

“Can we just go back to bed?”

“Buck,” Steve huffs. “All I’m gonna do is worry about you until you say it.”

At this, Bucky takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

_“Steve?” Dream Bucky asks. “Are you sure about this?”_

_Dream Steve stands before him in uniform, clearly prepared for some sort of fight. “Are we ever sure about anything?” He jokes, with that stupid smirk on his face. “Why? Are you scared, Buck?”_

_He rolls his eyes. “No, I’m not scared,” He says with an edge of exasperation in his words, before getting serious. “I just…I don't think going into this fight is a good idea.”_

_“We have to save those people, Buck,” Steve says, face contorted in confusion. “That's the job.”_

_“I know,” Bucky replies, rubbing at the back of his neck. “But this just doesn't feel right.”_

_Whatever ship they're on lands, and they step out into a very familiar landscape._

_Wakanda, he realizes. They're battling it out here?_

_“Hope someone saves my goats,” Bucky mutters under his breath, making Steve snort. For just a moment, he catalogs his smile in his mind. He has this…instinct. Like somehow, he'll never see that again._

_“Okay, we need to line up at the border,” Steve commands, back in full leadership mode. “The barrier has been holding up so far, but we need to be prepared.”_

_The Wakandan tribes in his dream, Sam, and Natasha all nod in response to his instructions. They all begin moving to the area Steve had described._

_As soon as they're all aligned with one another, the tribes surrounding them begin to chant. King T’Challa suddenly orders for the barrier to be lifted, and then everyone is charging forward to fight whatever intergalactic beasts were attacking them._

_Bucky participates, shooting down as several of the…things as quickly as he can. The damned things would not back down from the fight, and the sinking feeling in his stomach only intensified._

_He turns to look for Steve, knowing if he could just get his eyes on his friend, then he'd feel better about fighting. He'd find that purpose within him and keep going._

_But Steve is missing._

_Part of him tries to be reasonable, tries to convince himself that Steve was fine. He was off the battlefield, sure, but he was smart and would never back down from a fight unless it was for a reason. A very important reason._

_Another part of him just tells him that important reason is going to get Steve killed, and Bucky trusts that part a lot more._

_“Sam, do you see Steve?” Bucky asks. They were semi-okay with each other after spending a lot of time on the run together. He figures it wouldn't be that weird to ask him._

_“I don't have eyes on Cap,” Sam shouts back, shooting something down. “Sorry.”_

_And everything in him just screams something's wrong, something's wrong, something'swrong._

_Bucky runs when he sees a burst of light through a section of trees, so fast he can barely feel his legs. He doesn't slow until he sees Steve holding back some huge creature with his bare hands._

_“Steve!” He shouts when his friend is knocked onto his back, and rushes towards him in an instant._

_“I’m okay, Buck,” He murmurs as Bucky kneels down and grasps his face in his palms. “‘M okay.”_

_Bucky notes the blood on his beard and the exhaustion in his eyes. Something is very wrong, he knows it. Whatever comes next…it can't be good._

_Dream Bucky shakes his head, panting. He looks at the face in his hands, and he knows he has to say everything now, because this feels like the last of everything._

_“Steve…” He starts, “I need you to know something.”_

_There's a noise in the distance, almost like a cry of agony. This was it._

_“Bucky?”_

_He blinks back tears. “I love you, Steve. I always have,” Bucky smiles, feeling his cheeks turn wet. “Even when we were just two dumb kids in Brooklyn, I knew I loved you. I love you.”_

_Steve opens his mouth to say something, but then he vanishes._

_Gone, turned to dust._

_Bucky stares at his hands where Steve once was, closing his hands and opening them over and over. He touches the ground, and feels his shoulders shake as he begins to cry._

_Just…gone._

“Bucky?” Steve asks, shaking him back to reality. “Now I’m really worried. You just zoned out for a good few minutes.”

He moves out of his touch and goes more towards the window. “It's just a stupid dream, that's all.”

“Buck,” He says softly, and Bucky just knows he's frowning as he says it. “You wanna tell me what it was about?”

No. Never. “It was about a fight. Must be because of yesterday’s job.”

“Why do I feel like you're lying to me?” Steve asks. Damn him, honestly.

“Because…” Bucky starts, but makes the mistake of turning his head to look right at Steve’s face, full of pity and empathy and concern. He sighs. “Because I am. I mean, there _was_ a fight in the dream, though.”

“What else happened?”

Steve was persistent, he’ll give him that. “I dreamt…that I lost you,” Bucky clears his throat, hoping his voice didn't reveal his emotions.

“Oh, Buck,” He whispers, wrapping his arms around his friend. “I wish you'd stop having those dreams. I'm right by your side, y’know.”

“I know.” He can't help it, and smiles a little while leaning into the hug.

Steve pulls back slightly to look down at him. “What made this one different though? You usually tell me about bad dreams like that.”

Shit. Just when he thought he could escape. Steve Rogers knew him way too well.

“Um,” Bucky says. “Well…it was more emotional.”

Steve lets go of him in order to gesture for him to continue, and Bucky runs a hand through his hair worriedly.

What he said in the dream was true, he had loved Steve since they were kids, probably before he even knew what that meant. But a voice in his head always warned him about it, like it was some sort of fatal attraction. So, he never said anything to Steve about that weird feeling in his chest he had when they were together.

And then, when they were teenagers, boys around them always said the word with hatred—homosexual. That's when Bucky knew no matter what he felt towards Steve, it would have to be repressed. There was no way around it. It was illegal and wrong and sinful.

It was easy to pretend to not be in love with Steve because he knew he'd never love him back. The hard part was making sure his face didn't give away his true feelings.

Even when he became the Winter Soldier, even when Hydra occupied his entire mind, there was one piece of himself they couldn't manage to erase no matter how hard they tried: Steve Rogers.

It's why he pulled him from the river. His love for his best friend was so intense that no one could take it away from him.

But Steve could, in an instant. That's what scared him. Bucky had loved him in secret for so long, and even if everyone (Shuri, especially) kept insisting it was okay to love anyone now, he was still afraid.

Because if he didn't love him back, what would happen? They were the last bits of home and the past each other had; it wasn't like they could just part their separate ways. And Steve certainly wouldn't be able to forget some confession like that, especially if he let Bucky down. It'd hurt both of them.

At the same time, the nightmarish dream Bucky had was worse than the worries he had about the consequences of his confession.

What if Steve died before he ever got the chance to know if they loved each other in the same way? He couldn't live knowing he had this moment, this chance in this room and said nothing.

Which meant that he was really doing this. He really had to say something now, because if his dream became a reality, he didn't want that ending. Bucky had to admit the only secret he'd kept from Steve, despite however fucking scared he was.

The Smithsonian called them inseparable, and he hoped that would still be true after this.

“You can tell me anything, you know,” Steve says. “I'll turn away if you don’t want me to see you cry.”

Bucky inhales deeply. This was it.

“In the dream…I told you that you needed to know something,” He says, swallowing at the end of his sentence. “And you, um…I could sense that you were about to die or something. I just knew something was wrong, so I needed to tell you.”

“Tell me what, Buck?”

“That I…that I love you,” He reveals, hands shaking. “I always did, always. When we were kids in Brooklyn fighting idiots in alleyways, and now, where we fight shit from space. I just…I’m in love with you, Steve. I love you.”

Bucky plants his eyes on the buildings in the distance, instead of looking at Steve. Had he been looking, he would've seen the wide grin stretching across his face and his slightly teary eyes.

Because Steve Rogers had been waiting to hear those words from Bucky Barnes his entire life.

“Bucky,” He says, unable to stop smiling. “Look at me. Please.”

His best guy looks at him with a fearful expression, bracing himself for disappointment.

“I loved you then, too, and I always will,” Steve promises softly. “I love you.”

Bucky’s eyes widen and it makes him chuckle. “You…really?”

He shakes his head, smiling fondly, and places a hand on his cheek before pulling him in for a kiss. Bucky tenses as their lips touch, and Steve nearly pulls away before he feels him kiss back passionately, and then they just collide together. Over and over and over.

Steve’s breathless when they finally pull apart, but collects himself enough to say, “Really.”

“Well, shit,” Bucky swears, a hand pressed against Steve’s chest. “We could've been doing that for years now. In different centuries, even.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “We can lament over that later. Kiss me again.”

It’ll be some time before Bucky Barnes will look back on this moment in their tiny hotel room, and desperately long for it. He won’t be able to place the sinking feeling in his stomach until it's too late for him to be saved.

But for now, Thanos’ rampage has not reached the streets of London, and Steve and Bucky exchange sweet nothings against rumpled sheets.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!
> 
> discuss marvel and other things with me:  
> twitter: @infinitywarmth  
> tumblr: thatfangirlingfreak


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